


Long Run

by Ruquas



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, mcuchristmasexchange, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruquas/pseuds/Ruquas
Summary: Clint has feelings. Bucky thinks, Clint is just playing with him and causes Clint to have even more feeling.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 83
Collections: MCU Christmas Exchange





	Long Run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rosysea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosysea/gifts).



Stupid.

He‘d been so stupid. Just trusting Steve that everything was different now. That he didn‘t have to hide anymore. Obviously, Steve had only been reading those fancy magazines where everything was good and everyone got a happy end.

Not him, though. He didn‘t deserve one. It just hurt that Clint… had played with him that obviously and Bucky hadn't even realized it. That hurt more than he wanted to admit.

„Sergeant Barnes, Agent Barton asks if he can have access to your private quarters.“

Bucky flinched. The future was… not his thing. He really didn‘t like talking walls.

„No.“, he growled and sat down on the bed. He could run again. But he didn‘t want to. Steve was here. Natalia was here. And even though it bothered him to admit it, he liked it here.

No, he had liked it here.

„Sergeant Barnes, Agent Barton asks if you would, I quote, just let him explain this disaster.“

Bucky stared at the wall for a few seconds before he decided to lay down.

„Could you tell me when Clint is gone?“, Bucky asked, hating how small his voice sounded, how exhausted he sounded.

JARVIS was silent for a few seconds before the lights were dimmed slightly.

„Certainly, Sergeant Barnes.“

~*~*~

As soon as Clint was in his own quarters, he threw the first thing at the wall that was nearby. Which turned out to be a vase he was fairly certain cost more than all of his personal belongings.

He should‘ve listened to Natasha. He should‘ve talked to Bucky as soon it became obvious that something would happen between them.

Heck, he should‘ve listened to his gut feeling and just let Bucky down when the other man asked Clint if he wanted to go on a date with him. Because people were always fine with everything, at least until they saw how different Clint was until they realized what a fuck-up he was on most days.

No matter how much he wanted to pretend that it surprised him that Bucky wouldn‘t open the door, he couldn‘t. Bucky had seen what a fuck-up he was and now wanted to get away from him. Clint got that. Really.

Didn‘t meant it didn‘t hurt.

„Let me guess – everything blew up.“

If he threw a knife in Natasha‘s direction, it was completely her own fault. It was still a bit disturbing how easily she ducked out of its way.

„Fuck you.“

„I take that as yes.“

And that was the problem, wasn‘t it? That she wasn‘t afraid, even though he just threw a knife at her.

„Go away. I just want to be alone“, he murmured and let himself fall onto his couch, ignoring the way his back protests.

A small hand began to stroke his hair and he groaned.

„Did you tell him?“

„What? That I‘m a freak? No. Didn‘t find a good time.“

Natasha sighed and then there was a light kiss pressed on his hair.

„You‘re not a freak. You just don‘t like sex. Or kissing.“

„Most days. Why can‘t the other days be the usual days?”, Clint asked, trying to suppress the sniffle that escaped him.

„Because that‘s not how you are. Bucky will understand this.“

Clint‘s laugh sounded more than a sob, but he didn‘t care. He ruined everything.

Another kiss was pressed to his head.

„Try to sleep in your bed“, Natasha said and then she was gone. The faint sound of the door the only indication that she had even moved.

Clint didn‘t.

~*~*~

„Please, can I… we don‘t need to talk, just let me explain, please.“

Bucky sighed and put the sugar can down. No coffee then. That‘s okay. He survived worse.

„Listen. I don‘t need to hear it, okay. I‘m not interested to hear anything and I‘m certainly not interested in hearing how you… don‘t know, didn't think I would go for it or something. Just spare me the excuses, okay?“, he muttered and tried to brush past Clint, but the other man grabbed his wrist and let go as soon as he realized what he‘d done, making a strange sound. Almost as if he‘d been hurt.

„I like you. I really do. I just don‘t like kissing. Or sex. Well, most days at least, but there are other days, too, and I get that those aren‘t that often, but they are there, too, I‘m just fucked in the head.“

Bucky stopped and frowned.

„It‘s not you, I swear. Did… you had a file, right? Like Steve? Was asexuality explained in there?“

And Clint‘s eyes were so big and hopeful and Bucky almost hated himself a bit for destroying that look but he had no fucking clue what the other man was talking about.

„No. But like I said, spare me the lies, okay?“

„It‘s not a lie. I‘m just not interested in exchanging body fluids most times. It‘s weird for me. Sex is a ‚take it or leave it‘ for me, but kissing is mostly weird and if you want I can give you material to read, but please, I…“

Bucky sighed and turned around.

„It‘s okay if you‘re not interested“, he murmured and went back to his own room.

Bucky got it. He really got it. He wasn‘t the same man he‘d been in the forties, not as attractive anymore, quite a bit more fucked in the head, and certainly not the best material for a relationship. It still would‘ve been nice if Clint would‘ve just been honest and not make something up.

He pretended not to hear the whimper behind him.

~*~*~

The way Natalia aggressively avoided talking to him while making sure to cause as much discomfort as she could for him was the first thing that clued him in that something was off.

The second thing was that Clint just ducked out of the room as soon as he saw Bucky.

He didn‘t want to admit it, but he missed the easy banter between the archer and himself, missed his company. But that wasn‘t for him anymore.

~*~*~

„Why are you and Clint not… well, as before?“, Steve asked one day and if Bucky made a small, wounded sound, no one except Steve and himself would know it. He still could deny it, pretend Steve is lying. It wouldn‘t be a hard thing to do.

„That… actually doesn‘t answer as much as you probably think it does.“, Steve said voice full of concern and Bucky hated him a bit for it.

„He probably lost a bet or something.“, Bucky mumbled into his pillow, not looking up. Okay, he acted like one of those depressed teenage girls from those soap operas, but he didn‘t care. No one would believe Steve anyway if he ever said that about Bucky.

„What makes you say that?“

„I tried to kiss him. And he flipped, flinched back and got all kinds of flustered before he just walked away. Said later something about… don‘t know, said he didn‘t really do kissing and sex. And I mean, it‘s okay if he‘s not attracted, yeah, it would‘ve just been nice not to be lead on.“

Steve was silent for almost a whole minutes before he cleared his throat.

„Uhm… Clint is asexual.“

„Yeah. That was the word he used. He‘s not a cell or a… don‘t know, coral, Steve.“

And Steve… did a strange sound out of laughing and whimpering.

„Uhm, no, he‘s not. But humans can be asexual, too.“

Bucky sighed and looked up from his pillow.

„If you‘re in this stunt, too, it…“

„No!“, Steve almost yelled. He looked way too uncomfortable to be into a prank. Bucky frowned and sat up. Steve sighed and put his sketchbook down.

„Some don‘t like sex. Or kissing. Or even cuddling. Some only like it on certain days. Some can take it or leave it. Others are so repulsed by it that they get nauseous when they even think about it.“

And Bucky… felt as if someone punched him into his gut.

„So… it‘s not just made up then?“

Steve smiled sadly at him before he shook his head.

„No. Wanna have more information about it?“

Bucky nodded. Even if Clint would never ever want to have something to do with him again, which he wouldn‘t blame Clint for, Bucky wanted to be prepared.

~*~*~

Clint had expected a lot of things when there was a knock on the door.

Maybe Natasha with more ice cream, not saying anything but putting on some strange Russian drama.

Tony, blabbering about some upgrade for his arrows that he didn‘t really need but using it as an excuse to get Clint out of his room.

Maybe Thor, who didn‘t understand why everyone tiptoed around him.

He certainly didn‘t expect Bucky. Or the nervous look on the assassin's face. Clint felt something inside him clench. He just wanted to get hugged by Bucky.

„What is it?“, he said, flinching at the sound of his own voice. Gruff, unused. Bucky winced, too.

„I‘m sorry. I… I didn‘t know. I really didn‘t. Steve gave me a lot to read and set my head straight and… I just wanted to say sorry.“

Clint only realized he held his breath when his head began to swim.

Bucky knew. Bucky had apologized! Bucky… maybe he could have Bucky again?

„I… okay, listen, I‘d like to try again. With all the information. If you still want that. If not, I would totally get that because I acted like an asshole and I deserve that.“

And Clint wanted to, but he couldn‘t bring his mouth to move, not like he wanted to and then Bucky nodded and gave him a sad smile.

„Yeah, okay. Still, I‘m really sorry.“

And then he turned around and something in Clint‘s brain just fried.

„No. Please, don‘t go. Not again, please, I… I can try, or I can look for someone for you, or you can look for yourself, of course, I‘m not… just… please don‘t go.“, he said, voice getting smaller and smaller. He sighed and stepped to the side.

„Maybe we can talk now?“ he asked, trying not to blush. He rarely had seen Bucky move so fast outside of the battlefield or the gym. Clint indicated for Bucky to sit before he went to the kitchen, fetching two cups of coffee, pretending that he just knew how Bucky took his coffee because he had seen it every day in the kitchen.

„I‘d like to try again. I… I meant it. You can find someone for the… physical things. It would just be nice to know about it.“

„I‘m not going to cheat if we do that. Or... force you to do something you're not comfortable with“, Bucky said, looking at Clint as if he‘d gone mad. Clint chuckled, throat still dry.

„Wouldn‘t be cheating. Better than… I meant that it‘s mostly indifferent to me. I won‘t really enjoy it, but I won't hate it either and sometimes I don‘t even get hard. There are days where I love sex, love kissing, or just want to do something intimate with my partner. But there are also days where I can‘t even stand the thought of a kiss on the cheek. And I don‘t want to keep something from you you need or want.“

This time it was Bucky who chuckled.

„I need air. And I want you. I just… it‘s new for me, okay? I don‘t know what to do or how to act. Don‘t wanna do something stupid again. I read that some people don‘t like hugging or cuddling or anything. I don‘t know what you like. Hell, I can‘t even promise to always think of it.“

Clint sighed and put the cup on the table, leaning back into his own recliner, looking at Bucky. He could have that. And Bucky was honest. That was a lot more than he often got from partners. And, well, it wasn‘t really Bucky‘s fault he grew up in the thirties. Neither was it his fault that Clint was… like this. It was even a wonder that Bucky still wanted to try, was willing to put up with Clint even though he knew how different Clint was.

„I love hugging. And cuddling. On most days I don‘t mind a kiss on the cheek or on the head. I can try to remember to tell you if it‘s one of those days I mind. And… I get that accidents could happen. As long as they stay accidents.“

Bucky nodded eagerly, almost spilling the coffee from his cup. With a small, embarrassed smile, he put the cup down.

„I can work with that. I would need to know if other things are okay, too. Or maybe you could initiate them or something. I just try not to do anything except hugging and cuddling. Will… will we be sleeping in the same bed? At least sometimes?“

This time it was Clint‘s turn to nod eagerly.

„Yes please.“

Clint hadn‘t thought it was possible, but Bucky looked even more embarrassed.

„Uhm… what… what about…. Situations. I mean… you know, in the morning. I will have them.“

And Clint didn‘t want to admit it, but it was touching. No one really had cared about _that_ before.

„Happens. You can‘t control your body 24/7. I won‘t care if you masturbate. Or, as I said, have sex with someone else, but I need to know that. I don‘t want to hear it from anyone else. Sometimes, if my partner likes that, I like to stay when they masturbate. Not often, admittedly, but sometimes I like to watch, like to see how their face changes with pleasure.“

Bucky almost doubled over and even though the situation was so delicate, Clint couldn‘t help himself, couldn‘t stop himself from laughing. Bucky threw a pillow at him, but there was a small smile on his face, and god, Clint had missed that. Had missed the smile, missed Bucky.

„That‘s crass, Barton.“

„What? You wanted to know.“

„Yeah, but I didn‘t think you would just say _something like that_ “.

And yeah. It would probably take a bit, but in the long run, it would probably work out.

~*~*~

Bucky was proud of himself.

He had only slipped twice in the past few weeks, only kissed Clint once on the lips when the other man had looked especially adorable with his hot chocolate, looking sad that the snow just dared to fall into it. But Clint had just laughed and said ‚Gross‘ and it had been okay.

The other time, that had been more difficult. It had been shortly after they had talked. And when Bucky woke up a few days later, still half asleep, feeling that Clint was hard, he had slipped his hand into his boyfriend‘s boxer. Clint had darted from the bed as if a tarantula had bitten him and Bucky‘s sleep ridden brain had tried to process what just happened. And when he did, he darted into the bathroom, puking his guts out.

It took a few days until Clint had him convinced to start sleeping in the same bed as Clint again, a few more until Bucky didn‘t felt as if he had just violated Clint.

There even had been one really bad day, where Clint flinched every time Bucky touched him, even when he just brushed past Clint.

But there had been good days, too. He got to kiss Clint a few times, one day Clint and he even had a heavy make-out session where Clint stayed, watched Bucky finish and… it shouldn‘t have felt that good, shouldn’t have felt that intimate. But it did.

~*~*~

Clint took a deep breath, still standing in the bathroom, trying not to chicken out. It was a funny coincidence. The first time he wanted to do… _more_ with Bucky was today. Christmas. He just hoped that Bucky was up for it. That he _himself_ was up for it.

„Doll? Everything okay in there?“, Bucky called out, probably already in bed, still reading one of those horrendous dime novels he loved so much. He didn‘t even deny it. He read those things even in the common room where everyone could see.

Tony had had his fair share of fun with that. They all had.

Clint opened the door and went out. No time like today, right?

~*~*~

„Doll? Everything okay in there?“ he asked. Clint had been locked up in the bathroom for almost forty minutes. And that in itself wasn‘t that strange, because the other man loved his hot showers. The strange thing was that the water had stopped running almost fifteen minutes ago.

And when the door finally opened, Bucky felt his mouth going dry. Clint was only wearing a towel, and he tried, he really tried to tell his cock that it didn‘t matter, that Clint could‘ve just forgotten his sweatpants (again), but it was no use. He just really liked to see his boyfriend half-naked, still a bit wet from the shower.

His brain didn't catch up fast enough, not even when Clint took his novel away and put it on the side table. Not even when Clint straddled his lips.

Only when the other man started kissing him, something clicked and he pulled back fast enough to hit his head on the wall, hard.

Clint smirked at him, eyebrow raised, overall looking way to amused for his own good. Looking so sure of himself, and god, Bucky wanted to keep that look on Clint forever.

„Wha… you… we…“, Bucky tried but his brain just didn‘t want to work right now. Clint just bends forward and captured his lips again. Bucky hissed when he felt a sharp pain where Clint nipped him. And then Clint loosened his towel with one hand while pulling down Bucky‘s sweats with the other one.

„I… you…. we. Yes. Don‘t know if I want to go through everything, but this? Right now? That‘s perfect“, Clint whispered but looked at Bucky as if he was unsure, almost as if he didn‘t know if _Bucky wanted to_.

Which was laughable. If Clint would allow it, Bucky would probably worship the ground he walked on.

„Yes. That‘s perfect, doll. Whatever you‘re comfortable with“, Bucky answered, voice already husky.

Maybe the future wasn‘t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the MCU Christmas Exchange.


End file.
